Today is August 13th; it's my mom's birthday. My goal for the day was to make the complete focus my mom's 66th birthday, and not waste time dwelling on the fact that this day also marks three years since the brain surgery that changed her in such a way that she'd never be the same as she once was. Three years ago today, when I hugged and kissed her good-bye at the double doors leading into the surgical wing, I prayed it wouldn't be the last time I saw her alive. I am thankful today that my prayers came true, and that I have been able to celebrate her last three birthdays with her, and have her in my life during all of the time in between. It has taken a lot for me to be able to see it that way. I spent the first 3 months or so in shock waiting for her to wake up, and then the next 9 months waiting for her to get better. I kept a journal of everything she was missing to one day share with her when she finally "came to". By year two I started to get nervous and went trough a very angry phase, mixed with a lot of denial. I wanted to sue every doctor that ever laid a hand on her, and I cursed the day I took her to see her surgeon when she made her decision. I was overwhelmed with GUILT, because I was the one who took her to her pre-op appointments and I regretted not forcing her to get a second opinion. The day of my surgery, when I had to part ways at the double doors, my mind flashed to when I shared that all too similar moment with my mom. So not only did I pray that I would see them again, but I also prayed that they would see the same me, and that I would be the same me, as I'm sure my aunt and Kerry prayed also.
But today was a good day, the best birthday of the last four. The kids and I spent a few hours at my parents house, and we were pleasantly surprised by a visit from my grandparents, and I have to say, it had been a while since we had all been together, and it was really relaxing and comfortable, like old times. We sat around the kitchen table telling stories, of course I had already heard the majority of them several times as it goes with the older folks, but you gotta love hearing them over and over, and I was happy to hear them again :)
After my grandparents left, the kids went to play with my old toys in the lower level, and my parents and I were left at the table; I was consumed with nostalgia. My mom kept looking at and touching the photo we had given her in the mosaic frame we had made for her. When she caught me looking at her, she smiled, embarrassed, and said, "I just really like it." I mentally patted myself on the back, not for scoring points, but for getting an emotional reaction out of her...it doesn't happen often. But later, Kerry's card arrived, and when she opended it, we were all rather surprised to see something that we hadn't seen in about 20 years: a homemade card to my mom from her baby girl. She opened it gingerly and took in every detail, and I swear I saw a tear in her eye after she closed it. Today really was an amazing day.
Later, I told them about the things I had done with the kids all summer, and that we were finally taking them to Six Flags next Friday. We reminisced about the times we went when Kerry and I were kids, once every summer, it was my favorite day of the year, right up there with Christmas. I kid you not though, that whatever day we picked, it rained, and we were forced to buy those silly yellow panchos. One year, 1986 I believe, it rained so badly, we didn't even make it to the park. The rain was coming down so badly with torrential downpours everywhere, yet my dad insisted on giving it a go, and we headed for Great America, only to be forced to head back home due to roads being closed because of the flooding. When we got home, on the street just west of ours, there were people riding in canoes. I remember being so disappointed that our adventure was cancelled, but I knew there were people in the world with MUCH worse things going on, so I tried not to show it. I promised my parents I would take a ton of photos next Friday, not like I'll be going on the rides quite yet, but they seemed anxious to see how things have changed. And if it rains, we will deal with it just fine.
I just hope the panchos aren't still bright yellow :)
