1 Day Out

I kind of thought I'd be freaking out more right about now. Ok, I totally was yesterday (just ask Reagan and Charlie's dad Bill who so graciously let me off the hook from our "strongly encouraged" parent swim timer class so I could spend the evening with the kids), and then again this morning, but now that I've done everything I wanted to do, I'm ready. You're probably wondering, what does one do the day before having brain surgery? Well, for me, I'm spending it with my family and Mike & his kids (who I also consider my family).

Also, the part of me that is definitely my mother, is getting my house ready for my return home. I'm doing all my laundry, putting clean sheets on my bed, cleaning my house, etc...I just think that coming home to a clean, peaceful house will be conducive to my recovery. I try not to think about the fact that my mom did all this on 8/12/07 and didn't actually come home for a year and a half. I plan to be home by Thursday, Friday at the very latest (deep breath).

They told me to pack a small bag. Reagan just asked me why do I need to pack a bag, don't they give me those gowns to sleep in? I really hate those hospital gowns, but she's right. I seriously have no clue what to bring besides deodorant and a toothbrush. I've only done this when I went to have the kids, and that was so much more exciting, plus packing the diaper bag was thrilling because you knew that you were FINALLY going to get to use those tiny clothes and things you got at your shower. Anyway, this time is completely different. I'm bringing like 5 books; I love to read and have no idea what I may be in the mood for, but I really hope I'm not fooling myself. What if I'm in so much pain that they have me drugged up and I'm sleeping for 4 or 5 days? Ugh, the thought of that makes me cringe. I realize I'm not heading out to a hotel for a vacation here, but to sit in some room for days...what does one do to pass the time? My aunt is bringing me magazines, that will probably be easier on the eyes as I'm guessing that brain surgery leaves you with quite a headache. Mike is giving me an iPod that he put a bunch of relaxing music on, which will be really helpful in drowning out the sounds of the hospital.

So tonight I'm going to hang out with Mike and my sister. They will definitely do a great job entertaining me and keeping my mind from going to dark places. They are great company and I'm so thankful that I have them to get me through what could be one of the most difficult nights of my life as far as the anticipation of the actual surgery in the morning. They have amazingly funny, witty, intelligent senses of humor that are sure to keep me smiling and laughing all evening. I'm sure at times that laghter will turn to tears, for all of us, but there's no place I would rather be.

Ok, I just realized that since I'll be leaving, the kids are getting picked up in a few hours. I'm NOT ready to say good bye to them, and I've gone back to complete freak out mode. I'm going to have to take a break from this to go hug them and come back...

Yeah, there's just no getting rid of this pit in my stomach. Ugh, this is going to be the hardest part. I know it's not good bye, just see you soon, but still...


Anyway...

I'll be praying for Mike and Kerry and my aunt Betty tomorrow as they sit in the waiting room during my surgery. We'll be at Evanston Hospital, and I'm scheduled to be in surgery from 7:30 to 12:30. That's quite a wait for them, and I'm glad they have each other for support and entertainment for those long 5 hours. They will keep my dad and other family members & friends informed, which I know isn't always easy either.

Bill and I decided that the kids won't come to the hospital until I'm out of ICU and alert enough for them to visit. Rest is the most important thing in the first few days after brain surgery (thank you Laurie), and we also don't want to upset them. It's not going to be easy for him Monday and Tuesday as they wait, ask questions, and beg to go visit me. My aunt will keep in contact with him regularly so he always knows what is going on. Starting tomorrow and indefinitely, he'll be juggling the kids and all of their activities and his job as well. I suggested to have them take a break from their sports this summer, or maybe even just Reagan's swimming since she practices everyday at 7:45 a.m., but he insisted that it's important to them and they love their sports, so he would make it work until I'm feeling better. He's a great dad.

As for me, I'll get there tomorrow morning at 6, "fall asleep" around 7:30, and wake up sometime around 1 I'm guessing, as thought only a few minutes have passed. I cannot wrap my head around this because I know what is actually going to happen during those "few minutes" that are actually 5 hours. Regardless, I'm very lucky that when I wake up, I'll have Mike, Kerry and my aunt there for me, to support me and be there for me no matter what my recovery has in store.


FYI...For those of you who have asked, Mike has the login info for the Blog, so he'll update it. Thanks so much for all of your support! I'll be in touch when it's all done and I can type again :)