Reagan

Many people have asked me how Reagan is handling all of this. I have been meaning to write this blog for a while now, and I've tried to, but it's hard to write. Reagan is a really special kid. As a parent of a gifted learner, I've learned that one of the differences between her and an advanced learner is the way she internalizes information; she develops very strong feelings about what she learns. For example, when she learned about the oil spill, not only did she grasp the information and understand what was happening, she became devastated about the effects of the contamination. She once came across the word "slum" on a spelling list of "sl" words and wanted to know what it meant. So we went on her laptop and looked on Wikepedia and looked at some google images. When I explained about third world countries to her, she was astounded. She wanted to know what she could do, and I explained that we aren't a third world country, but we do have less fortunate people, so she went straight to her closet and began pulling out everything that doesn't fit and that she doesn't wear to put in a bag to donate to the poor, and she still does so on a regular basis. When her school did a food drive, she cleaned out my pantry of canned goods (with my permission) and still gives me a hard time when I have things in there for too long without using them because there are people without food. She is extremely mature for her age, and her larger than life heart brings tears to my eyes. My point is that Reagan doesn't take serious information lightly.

About two months ago Reagan came home with a free pass to Six Flags that she had gotten for completing a reading challenge at school. She had never been there, and she was ecstatic! She grabbed the calendar off the refrigerator, sat down at the table and called me over. Reagan is no dummy, she wanted to mark a date for her and I to go to Great America this summer. I knew I'd have to tell her about the surgery eventually, and the time had come.

This wasn't going to be easy. My mom had brain surgery three years ago, during which she suffered two strokes. She didn't wake up for days, couldn't talk, walk, or do anything for weeks, months...she had to relearn everything. She has come SO FAR now, but she is still disabled. It was extremely hard on Reagan; they are so close and Reagan struggled deeply through the initial loss of her grandma; she didn't come home for a year and a half after the surgery. We would go visit her in the hospital and then nursing home, and Reagan was so strong through it all. But to ask that of her again with her own mom would be too much.

I started by bringing up all the headaches I always have, and the doctor appointments, pills, etc. I told her that the doctors were going to make me better, but I'd have to be in the hospital for a few days and have a surgery. She asked if it was brain surgery. I told her yes. Her entire face went into a frown, her eyes pleading no as they filled with tears, but no words came out. I ran to her side and took her face in my hands, looked her in the eyes and said, "No, no, no. You have nothing, nothing to worry about. This time will be different. I will be fine, they will fix me and nothing bad will happen, I promise you. I would never do this if there was a chance anything bad would happen, I promise you Reagan. You can trust me. You know you can trust me. You believe me, right?" She took a deep breath and said "ok." She seemed relieved. I hugged her and held her and and continued to reassure her, while at the same time I knew I was reassuring myself.

Reagan is still very worried about the surgery and needs constant reassurance, which we all give her. She also tries not to show how upset she is (she turns her head to cry or leaves the room). I tell her it is okay to be afraid and upset, but that I will be okay, and that before she knows it, it will be over and we'll be enjoying our summer. And we are definitely going to Six Flags sometime soon, only her dad will be going on the rides with her while Charlie and I hang out and watch :)